A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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