you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
