You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
