Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
