I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
