She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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