What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
