I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
