some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
