people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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