Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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