Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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