he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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