I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
