dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
