my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
