He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
