Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
