Will you blow on my dice?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
