Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
