So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
