you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
