the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
