he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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