Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
