I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
