He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
