Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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