No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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