she was so not down for the gang bang
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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