I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
