wakey wakey hands off snakey
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
