Im at strip club and am horny
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
