So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
