apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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