i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You took a bar mat shot.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
