It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
