Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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