im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
