Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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