I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
