That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
