I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
