Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
