did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
