the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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