I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
