What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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