I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
