How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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