You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
