she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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