I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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