Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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